Crno pivo, crvena paprika

Winter has cummed/come/came.

Tom rečenicom htio sam opisati generalno stanje vremena i raspoloženja, što se na prvu ne čini kao težak zadatak. Međutim, dok sam pokušavao završiti rečenicu, nastojao sam voditi računa da bude gramatički ispravna, jer ipak ovaj blog puca (pičko bre) globalno, a ne samo lokalno.

I tako sam se zapitao nešto što se nikad prije u životu nisam zapitao – kako idu prošla glagolska vremena glagola „to cum“? Nešto mi govori da sam bio odsutan u školi kad smo tu lekciju radili, ne znam što drugo može biti. Je li isto kao „to come“ ili se smatra zasebnom rječju? Pa, Google mi je prijatelj, navodno, stoga sam se odlučio konzultirati s njim. U konačnici, ispada da nema jedinstvenog rješenja pa sam iskoristio sva tri. Ako nekome iz bilo kojeg razloga to treba u svakodnevnoj komunikaciji, slobodan je pozvati se na tumačenje od strane Pivske rute.

Nego, došla je zima, a s njom i svinjokolja, divan običaj tradicionalne slavonske pretvorbe svinje u sreću. Kako u istima sudjelujem od najranijih dana, a vremena se mijenjaju, primijetio sam neke esencijalne razlike u pristupu svinjokolji nekad i sad.

NEKAD:

  • ustanem, umijem se, operem zube
  • oblačim bilo što prihvatljivo, samo da je toplo i da nije šteta zaprljati, obuvam čizme, silazim na kavu i doručak
  • tijelo se podmazuje iznutra jednom do dvije ljute, čija brojka eksponencijalno naraste kako dan odmiče
  • u 7:00 h zauzimaju se borbene pozicije, prva svinja napušta obitavalište i ide u susret sudbini
  • proces traje kao po špagi, kolje se, šuri, trančira, peru crijeva, režu čvarci, melje meso, peku ražnjići, kuhaju obarine, nadjevaju kobasice i ostalo, soli meso
  • večera, obavezno rasprava na političku temu, najčešće fokusirana na lokalnu jedinicu samouprave

SAD:

  • ustanem, prije svinjokolje otuširam se šamponom, regeneratorom i gelom za tuširanje
  • perem zube pastom, koncem i vodicom za ispiranje usta, brijem se, stavljam hidratantnu kremu na lice
  • nanosim antiperspirant i Zara Man Gold parfem pažljivo na više točaka u području torza i ruku
  • slažem si u glavi outfit za svinjokolju – gledam kako iskombinirati moderno u vidu trenerke i Vansica s daškom tradicije – vojnim prslukom s, navodno, srpskim maskirnim uzorkom, kako mi je rečeno
  • tijelo se podmazuje iznutra jednom do dvije ljute čija brojka se eventualno utrostruči kako dan odmiče
  • u 8:15 posao počinje, svinja je od jučer već nakomadana na stolu, stoga se preskaču faze klanja i šurenja, ostalo teče svojim tokom minus ražnjići
  • u 14 h, nakon miješanja mesa za kobasice i kulen, koža mi miriši na kombinaciju ljute paprike iz Markušice i herbal gela za tuširanje
  • večera, slobodne teme širokog dijapazona

U konačnici, rezultat je isti, ali doživljaj ipak malo drukčiji. Nova vremena, novi običaji. Najvažnije je da se tradicija očuvala i da ima mesine i čvaraka. Kao i u svakoj fizičkoj aktivnosti, važno je osigurati da tijelo bude hidrirano, za što su se ovaj puta pobrinuli Pittinger i Stephans Brau.

Pozdrav svim mojim prijateljima veganima.

 

NA MORE U STUDENOM

Nije baš neko vrijeme za ljetovanje, ali za službeni put u Solaris može proći. Put od 8-9 sati zahtijevao je okrepu prije ručka. Kolege su na terasi hotela pili kavu od 20-25 kn, ja sam pio Guinness od 30 kn. Nije da provociram, ali mislim da je evidentno tko je, ukupno gledano, bolje prošao.

Pozdrav svim mojim prijateljima ljubiteljima Ožujskog.

Naravno, karma uvijek prigodno nagradi samodopadnost – navečer na partyju bilo je samo malo Ožujsko.

No, život ide dalje, i sretan sam da mogu reći da sam jučer dobio dva piva iz, ni manje ni više, nego Tajlanda. Kad pričamo o Tajlandu, prvo što mi pada na um su kurve i tajlandski boks. Jedinom od tog dvoje sam se svojevremeno bavio. Sad, kako nisam pokupio privolu da spominjem imena, reći ću samo da su mi pivo donijele dvije divne i bliske osobe, jedan mladi bračni par (da, otišao je u Tajland sa ženom…). Puno im hvala, nisam ih još probao, doći će i to na dnevni red.

Pozdrav dobrim ljudima koji su se na bračnom odmoru u zemlji poroka sjetili obradovati moju malenkost.

 

NEUSPJELI EKSPERIMENT

Nekad treba probati neke naizgled nespojive stvari. Koliko god kao vrsta bili napredni, manje-više sve što smo dosad otkrili rezultat je eksperimentiranja. Na svako uspješno otkriće, dolaze stotine neuspješnih i godine, pa i desetljeća usavršavanja. Primjerice, dalek je put od kakaovca do čokolade kakvu danas znamo. Ili, kako bismo drukčije znali da najskuplju i najfiniju kavu na svijetu vade iz govana indonezijske mačke pa ju onda (nadam se) očiste i prže? Netko je to morao jednom napraviti, ne trudim se ni razmisliti zašto točno, i u konačnici se pokazalo dosta dobro. Bar tako kažu, a navodno šalica može koštati i do 100 dolara.

E sad, u društvu gin-tonikaša ja pijem pivo. Slučajnim opažanjem uočio sam da iz nekog razloga stavljaju u dva smiksana pića krastavce i zrna kave i doveo se u zabludu da možda prave neku užasnu salatu. Međutim, kad sam ih pitao čime to misle jesti, s obzirom da nigdje nisam vidio beštek, smjesta su mi, primitivnom pivopiji, objasnili, to tako ide u gin tonic, i ne samo to, nedostaju ružine latice. Bilo je zanimljivo gledati izraze njihovih lica kad cijela ta alkemija nije pružila baš očekivani rezultat.

E sad, vrag mi nije dao mira, stoga sam i ja odlučio iste sastojke ubaciti u svoju čašu piva i mogu reći sljedeće – osim što je vizualno stvarno izgledalo odvratno, zapravo nije puno utjecalo na okus piva. Ali ne planiram ponavljati tu ekshibiciju. Sve što se dodaje u pivo, dodaje se u procesu proizvodnje. Jednom kad je pivo gotovo, tako se treba i konzumirati, bez ovakvih cirkusarija.

Pozdrav svima nama koji ponekad jedemo govna. Figurativno, jel.

 

KAD KARMA PENETRIRA

Negdje sredinom prošlog desetljeća (jbt koliko sam star), u doba MSN-a i prvih blogova koje je svaki tinejdžer imao, postojao je jedan iritantan trend kad se riječi pisalo na način poput piwo, koi lik, swashta, neam pojma, plawusha… Jedino iritantnije od toga bilo je nehumano i nenormalno korištenje emoticona i kojekakvih svijetlećih fontova u MSN-u. Koliko god sam za nekim stvarima iz tog vremena nostalgičan, navedene stavke mi nikad nisu nedostajale, kao ni činjenica da su mi Pan i Karlovačko tada bila najbolja piva.

I onda ti svemir na put postavi nekog tko te ujedno i zajebava i inspirira, istovremeno opušta i drži na iglama, prolete ti dani brže od plaće, a ti misliš da, kao bloger koji u 2 h ujutro kad ga probude može „iz zgloba“ izbaciti 1000 riječi teksta (lažem, u dva ujutro kad me probude mogu eventualno nekog sterati u tri pičke materine, a i to ne bih uspio dovršiti prije nego opet zaspim), možeš na neki moćan i cool način imenovati takvu osobu, i prvo što ti padne na um je – swatka mawa.  Yep.

kizivat01 Written by:

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